I shared on my instagram that a rather cathartic post would be coming soon, so here it is…
Life has been a lot lately. My brother has been battling brain cancer. My family has been starting a business. A loving long-distance relationship became not-so-long distance and eventually came to a rather uncertain (although loving) end. I’ve started reading more, writing more, drawing more. Worrying less. And in the midst of it all, trying to discern the Lord’s will for my future. Inspired by the conclusion of a four year long art piece (more details in a post to come) I decided to write this poem:
Who Will Redeem Me
"It is YOU who will redeem me Lord"
Not my father. Not my mother.
Not my Aunts, uncles, or friends.
Not even myself.
Not my mind. Not my Pride. Not my Plans.
But YOU.
YOU in your infinite ways and eternal nature.
YOU in your mercy and Love and Compassion.
I do not know how long redemption takes.
All I know is that it will happen.
I can not know what all of this will look like in the end
But I can hope that it is heaven
Living from Hope
My Friend told me recently “Hope is fighting from a place of victory”. That it is knowing God, being outside of time, has redeemed us, will redeem us, and is redeeming us. “So why all the misery? Why not live from that?”
It is a beautiful question. One I have thought about a lot since then. But living from Hope does not mean living without sorrow. And fighting from a place of victory does not mean fighting without pain.
This season has held a lot of loss. It has held a lot of sorrow and a lot of pain. Yet at the same time it has miraculously held more Hope than I knew my heart was capable of carrying. And in that Hope I have found an immense amount of Freedom. Freedom to let go. Freedom to hold on. And the Freedom to live in complete surrender.
The Recent Reality
Sometimes that looks like taking photos of the dances my brother would have been in as he lays in a hospital bed. Sometimes that looks like no longer dating my best friend. On the good days it looks like a spontaneous trip to Canada or finally finishing an art project I’ve spent years agonizing over. It can sound like three rings of a bell, or the crackling of a fire, or the turning of a page.
But in the end, all it comes down to is giving the true author back the pen ♡
