Rosary Meditations: Sorrowful Mysteries

Oh Lord, in that moment you knew everything. Every sin from the abandonment of Eden to the sins committed at this very moment and every moment which is to come after. You knew every broken heart: saw every tear. You felt the lance before it pierced your side: carrying our wounds before they could be seen on your hands. Even before creation, you knew of this pain and yet you created anyways. Even before His eyes met yours, you knew who would betray you. And yet you called Him anyways. Even before I ever took a breath, you knew every way I would hurt you. And yet you breathed your spirit and your life into me anyways. Why Oh Lord? Why did you say “yes” knowing all that you do? 

The voice of the Lord comes clearly into my heart saying:

“Your ways are not my ways and my thoughts are above your thoughts” As I grieve in the garden it is not merely because of what I must do but because of what has ALREADY been done. Are not your wounds forgiven? Are not your deaths brought to life? Why then do I mourn when I know of the resurrection? Why then do I weep in agony at the face of death when I know light has already conquered it; when I know the battle has already been won?

Truly, I say to you, it is because I know also of a world where such a battle did not have to be fought. I know and have seen and have LIVED in a paradise before it was lost. I mourn because although the war is won, it will always have to be fought. My tears fall because even as I die and rise and my spirit comes to open the minds and hearts of many so that they might understand, and even as I lay down my life for the victory, there will still be those who choose to fight without me.

Even as I have given EVERYTHING and have BEGGED the father that you might not be left to fight on your own, He echos: I WON’T MAKE THEM CHOOSE ME. And that is my agony: that those for whom I am about to die may choose to never truly know me.“

Agony in the Garden Art Print (amazon)

Agony in the Garden Art Print (amazon)

Sacred Art by Mattie Karr, prints available at her shop

The Lord’s wrists are tied tightly with rope. His head rests in exhaustion against the pillar He is bound to. His breathing is heavy. Blood pools around Him as the wounds on His back begin to spill over. They are still whipping Him. And I wonder if He can hear their shouting or if it has been drowned out by the pain ringing in His ears, rippling through His veins. My heart and mind wrestles with the idea that it didn’t have to be this way. Couldn’t the all powerful creator of the universe find a way out of this? Is this then the fate that He chose? I want to ask Him why: why, out of all things, did He choose this? But before I can even think of getting the words out, His answer is there:

“I didn’t. You, my beloved, chose this. And I, out of Love for you, chose to accept it, to say “yes” and to bear it with you. Not that you might be frightened but that you might know that I have loved you, form the beginning of time and for all eternity. That you might know I have been bound to you and all creation from the moment I spoke the words “LET THERE BE” . For just as a creation can never truly be separated from its maker, a loving creator never truly be separated from creation.

As I spoke and as time and space came into existence I CHOSE TO BE BOUND.

Not by rope or chain or whip, but by Love. For Love says “anywhere you go, I will follow” and so when you left paradise, I followed you. When you chose exile, I followed you. When you fell into death itself, I followed you: even to the grave.

And it is there: in the depths of the tomb, that I ask you to do the same. To FOLLOW ME through the valley of death and into the light of the resurrection.

I have bound myself to you in everlasting love: a bind that will not be loosed in heaven or on earth no matter the pain or the agony or the despair that befalls me because of it. Will you not also bind yourself to me in return? For I have conquered the death which you have freely chosen. And behold: I have opened the gates to a new day. If you follow, I will lead you to new life. Life in a NEW CREATION- a kingdom -where the bonds of Love will set you free”

Up from the ground in the garden of Eden there grew a sharp and thorny plant. Its branches twisted and turned and all that touched it cursed saying “wretched the day that you were created, for by you has been spilled the blood of man”. The shouts filled the plant with sorrow and she bristled at the words for she knew them to be true. She herself was stained red with the blood of all who dared to touch her. Those who came close to her waked away wounded.

Indeed there came a day where she herself cursed the day that she was created.

And it was on that day- that very day -that she was brought before The King. If she could, she would have pleaded with the guards not to let her into His presence. If she could, she would have run from Him with all her might. She knew if He came close it would hurt Him. And she could not bear to be cursed by The King.

But she had no voice to plead with and she had no legs to run. So she was brought before Him: wrapped into the mocking shape of a crown. And as they pounded her thorns into His flesh she felt His blood begin to pour from His head. She braced herself for the curse that would shame and condemn her for all eternity. But it never came. He bore the pain of her presence as if He had been awaiting it for ages. Even as tears spilled from his eyes in agony, He did not for a moment curse her. He did not -even for a moment- wish to take back the day she was created. Instead He embraced her and said:

“behold: from this day forward all shall call you blessed and those who cursed you shall attain redemption through you. For by you has been spilled the blood of the lamb. The lamb who came to take away the sins of the world and to pardon all your inequities. Rejoice and exult. Behold: truly I tell you it was for this day that you were created: that through me all might have life.“

Crown of Thorns Art Print (amazon)

Crown of Thorns Art Print (amazon)

Carrying the Cross Art Print (amazon)

Art Print by Karen Ritz at KarenRitzCreations

Sacred Art by Mattie Karr, prints available at her shop

Art Print (amazon)

“Is this the price of Love?” I ask, and His eyes penetrate mine as only His can. “No” He says,

“for Love does not have a price. It can not be bought- even with blood and sweat and tears. This, my beloved, is the weight of Love in the presence of Sin. But truly I say to you, this is but a moment. And when it is finished I shall enter into eternity where Love itself abides. In its presence such a burden is weightless: Love is free, Love is abundant, Love is merciful”

He speaks with zeal despite His exhaustion

but my own heart becomes troubled. “If this, oh Lord, is the weight of Love in the presence of Sin, what then will be the weight of Sin in the presence of Love? Will it not be more than any one of us, who are sinners, could bear”? His eyes become soft then, and almost sad. “Yes” He says

“yes. And it is for this reason that I have come: that all might learn to bear such sufferings well and to surrender them to the Father. For out of mankind’s own will, Sin entered into the midst of Love, and into this world. In that moment it was decided, out of God’s own will, that Love must also enter into this world. That Love must enter into the midst of sin. For I could not leave you alone in such turmoil. I could not abandon you in your suffering. So hold fast to your Faith and continue to follow me. when this present affliction has passed and when that which has been entangled is once again set straight, Love shall prevail. And all that Sin has brought shall be but a distant memory. For you shall be set free.” 

My eyes fill with tears as I now can see that all of this was done for me.

It is done so that my own faults and weaknesses may be redeemed. I want to beg Him to stop: to tell Him I am not worthy of such a sacrifice. But I know it wouldn’t make a difference. Worthy or not, this is what He chose to do for me. So I do instead the only thing I can think of. I kneel down before Him in more humility than I have ever known and I just look at Him. The tears come as the world stops and there is nothing else in existence but those unforgettable eyes. I let them pierce through my soul until His image is forever imprinted on my heart.

My ears hear the soldiers begin to force Him to keep moving again. I am ushered back to the earth and to this moment. I feel my heart break as the weight of it comes back to me. But I look to His face again and know my heart is not the only one that is breaking. I take the veil from my head and wipe but a few drops of blood from His face. It feels like a futile attempt to comfort Him, but it is all I can think to do. And as the guards shove me out of the way and push Him onward, I carry in my arms His gentle smile, so graciously given to me as I wiped away the blood that soon would make all things clean.

*for this mystery, none of my own word felt sufficient. So I will leave you with the words of St. Augustine to guide you through this last meditation…

“As they were looking on, so we too gaze on His wounds as He hangs. We see his blood as He dies. We see the price offered by our redeemer,  Touch the scars of His resurrection. He bows His head, as if to kiss you. His heart is made bare open, as it were, in Love to you. His arm are extended, that He may embrace you: His whole body is displayed for your redemption. Ponder how great these things are. Let all this be rightly weighed in your mind: As He was fixed on the cross In every part of His body for you, So He may now be fixed in every part of your soul”

~ St. Augustine 

The Crucifixion Art Print (amazon)